Trial Tribulations
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I think it’s safe to say that we have a new trial of the century so far. In the 90s, we had the OJ Simpson trial. 2022 was Johnny and Amber’s year. Scratch that – Johnny’s year!

Like so many others around the world I have been riveted, if not obsessed, by watching this shitshow unfold. I mean, there was the bonanza of A-list dirty laundry, absolutely jam packed with horrible behaviour and cray cray, the spectacle of the trial itself, with Johnny playing to the gallery with a broad wink, and the weirdness of a legal procedure becoming 24/7 live
entertainment – with oodles of memes, commentary and live chat to keep me jacked up on trial sugar.

I set my alarm at 2am and stuck it out with the fans who were sleeping on the pavement to get a courtroom seat. And the YouTubers streaming from the trial? Talk about a revenue gravy train. The whole Amber and Johnny show is really about two highly privileged individuals being bratty. I’m Team Johnny, but the whole battle – “I want 15 mill! I want 100!” – is not endearing. Amber lost me at ‘raped by a bottle’. Alas, I know way more female violent sexual assault victims than
most, and they never sound like Amber Heard. No-one does. The way she recants memories is very odd, and smacks of histrionic borderline personality issues.

But this trial didn’t just entertain the shit out of me; it triggered me: I am fascinated to see an A- lister stand up and take on gaslighting. It is such a common intimidation tool – ‘I’m going to take all my techniques and nefarious toxic methods and accuse you of doing it to me. You’ll be too busy defending yourself to attack back.

I have been writing down my memories, which are flooding back. I have been in Johnny’s position and had partners, colleagues – hell, even blood relatives – look me in the face and project bucket loads of their issues and problems onto me. The last piece of this hideous jigsaw puzzle started to emerge as my children reached adulthood and sided with my abusers.

I have sat on the enormity of everything that has happened to me and the behaviour of my exes, gaslighting professors. I couldn’t do anything about it at the time, I was too young, unskilled, overwhelmed by single parenting and intimidated. But deep down, I thought I would prevail. I certainly never thought I would lose my children to them.

The whole reason that I returned to the adult industry to work as an escort as much as I did (happily so) was that my job was never the real problem for my two exes, each one the father of one of my two children. They certainly didn’t cough up decent child support, so my escorting was a gravy train for them too. The real problem was the woman I am. They could not handle my lack of desire or ability to easily or happily just play ball and adopt the status quo of a woman’s role. They hated me for it; I was their favourite whipping boy..

The culture of gaslighting permeates my whole family. In our tribe, I have equal status with my exes, no more. They know that my dad is weak and have a field day. I would have loved a little bone toss, a “that doesn’t sound right. My daughter bought a home and somehow now she’s homeless?” It never came, and these guys didn’t have to answer to anyone.

People have enjoyed playing games with me and enjoyed denying my credibility and agency for years. I go out of body and watch this all playing out in celebrityville with intense interest. How satisfying it is to have a rottweiler lawyer to pick apart all the lies, innuendos and judgements, for my viewing pleasure. I’ll risk the carbs and take the jumbo popcorn please.

Now that the verdict is in, it is satisfying that someone who fights to preserve their reputation can come back from the dead if they are actually telling the truth. Of course, a lot of dirty laundry has to flap in the breeze before that, which can still tarnish the reputations of both a plaintiff and a defendant.

Amber kicked off well. I thought she sounded really credible at first. But he had a real point to make and he never wavered. After seeing Heard’s shiftiness I was inclined to believe Johnny. Is he 100% innocent? No way. Addicts are twats as partners. The tapes aren’t pretty. But he got the verdict he’s seeking and is going to be killing it. He had the world’s attention for a while there

Liam’s audience sat around in cafes. Somehow they were horrified by me. They had nothing to work with – I was just working my guts out at waitressing, and kicking back as a partner and mother. Maybe when he broke up with me, they were so pro male that they saw me as the female enemy. In reality, we were this little family devoid of resources.

Imagine what they would make of me now, when I rampage through life festooned with lingerie and jewels, destroying all in my wake. Why can’t people in general make up their own mind about me? I have literally had clients thrown out of bookings because they mention that they see me too. These ladies of the night fling the shoes and pants out the door, guilt by association. Safely cocooned in my citadel, I have never even met these bitches.

Sex workers are the perfect perpretrators of gaslighting – it is mental how into it they are. If you see a room full of sex workers, run. They weaponise the truth and manipulate for a living, so they are natural born gaslighters. You don’t have to do anything. If one escort is warm, congenial and nice as pie, they will still gaslight them to other clients and workers. Every time a client asks about another escort, let the gaslighting begin.

Johnny did have some drama coming to him. He left a top chick to be with someone who has no life experience – it’s midlife crisis o’clock. Why couldn’t he wait another five years and see how it turns out? All women in their 20s are bonkers, even women in their 20s admit that.

The third person in this relationship was drugs and alcohol. Captain Jack imbibed a stunning amount: he had a whole winery to drink through – with the honeypot of sex and love addiction. They talked about magnums in the trial a hell of a lot. It’s a classic tale. The daze lops off all the sharp edges; you get to liberate yourself from contravening facts that spoil the fun, like my dick broke up my family to marry a psycho. Johnny was also so ridiculously generous. She had it all, even with him being a boozy nightmare – but fellow addict that she is, she even fucked that up.

There can never be two winners. They have both lost a lot – I could have told you from their first date. But I am happy that a court of law showed up a gaslighter. In your face!

If your neural pathways got used to being stimulated daily with trial updates and, now that the trial is over, you seek excitement, call me. I’ll see what I can do.